Robbed

My pack was waiting for me on the sidewalk as I stepped off the bus in the little Australian surf town. It was around lunchtime. I looked up the street and saw colourful storefronts selling surfboards and bright clothing. Dotted in between were restaurants with people eating under bright umbrellas.

     I reached into my pack to grab the remainder of my cash. I stuffed my arm to the bottom of the bag to feel around for the beaten, folded envelope. I put it in the bottom because clearly thieves would never think to look there. I felt around. I felt a water bottle, some shoes and dirty clothes. I felt around some more. Nothing resembling an envelope.

No problem, it’s in there somewhere. I put it in the bottom after all.

I upended my pack’s contents on the sidewalk. I spread everything out. Nothing. Someone stole my money. The last of my money. I felt like I had just been kicked in the balls. I was going to puke. My eyes were wide. I began sweating and my stomach was lodged in my throat. I could hear my heart beating in my ears.

Adam, you careless fuck! How could you be so stupid!? 

Home was on the other side of the planet. I was totally alone. People buzzed by on the sidewalk completely unaware of my crisis. No one was going to help me. They just thought I was another hippie who dumped out his pack to find some rolling papers.

     I scraped together the change I had in random pockets in my pack. I had $2.80 to my name. With this I ran to a computer to email home. I delicately worded an email to my parents that I had been robbed, and needed some money. With the time difference, I would receive some money in my account the following morning at 6 o’clock.

     I can spend one night without food or a place to sleep. No problem. I’m a survivor, and it’s just one night.

     I figured I would just sleep on the beautiful white sand on the beach. I walked down to the shore just as the sun was going down. As I searched for a place lay out my sheet, the heavens opened and it began pouring rain. Big, fat raindrops. I was immediately soaked. It was obvious the beach was not a suitable place to sleep. I searched for a place to cram my pack in an effort to keep my stuff dry. I spotted a children’s playground. I looked at the blue plastic tunnel in the jungle gym. It wasn’t long enough for me to sleep in, but it would keep my pack dry. I stuffed my bag in the tunnel. I pulled out my yellow raincoat and a small bottle of whiskey the thief must have missed. I dug around and found a small can of tuna and my cigarettes. I put my cigarettes in the inside pocket of my jacket and the tuna in the side pocket. I pulled up my hood and lit a smoke. I walked over and sat down on the bottom of the red slide. I unscrewed the cap on the whiskey and took a drink. I smoked and drank, and for a minute I felt sorry for myself.

     Are you kidding me!? You fucking baby, why don’t you go cry about it? You got to travel across the world and get drunk and meet random girls and basically fuck around for 6 months, and now you have a minor setback? Poor you. Does your vagina hurt too?

     I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I stood up and flicked my cigarette. The rain extinguished it before it hit the ground. I took a pull from my bottle of whiskey. I walked through town. Shops were closed, but people were eating dinner and drinking. I heard laughter coming from inside a pub. I decided to go in to escape the rain. I sat down at the bar without two nickels to rub together. I wondered how long before I was kicked out. I was a soaking wet wanderer with a fuzzy face and no money. The bartender asked what I would like to drink. I asked him for some water with a lemon, as long as the lemon was free, and also a fork. He looked at me with an eyebrow raised. He gave me a glass of ice water with a lemon. He asked if I was going to eat anything. I said no. He gave me an odd look. I knew the fork was pushing it. He was already thinking in his head what to say to me to get me to leave without a fuss. As he turned to help another patron, I pulled out my whiskey and took a drink. I pulled out my can of tuna and opened it. I reached into the pile of dirty dishes beside me and grabbed a fork. I began inhaling the canned fish. I took another drink of whiskey. Just as I pulled the bottle from my lips the barkeep turned my direction. We locked eyes. There I was, sitting at the bar with zero dollars in a bright yellow rain jacket drinking a bottle of whiskey holding an empty can of tuna and a dirty fork. He told me to leave. I left.

     The rain had not let up. I sat down on a bench outside the pub and lit a cigarette. Halfway through it was so wet it wasn’t smokable. I let it fall at my feet.

    

     Well if there’s nowhere to sleep, I will just walk around town all night until 6am. Shouldn’t be too hard. That’s only 7 hours from now. I’m in good shape. It’s just walking.

     I walked up and down, and up and down the streets. I passed the same stores and restaurants dozens of times. By 2am the streets were empty, except for me. Just the stupid foreign kid with no money in the rain. By this point I was freezing cold from the rain. I needed to warm up somehow. Walking along I spotted a hostel. The office was closed, and it looked dark and sleepy. The building was a big square with doors facing inward to a courtyard in the middle. A patio wrapped around the outside of the 2^nd floor. I thought if I could get up to the patio, I could get into the courtyard and maybe into a bathroom, and warm up in the shower. There was a large, white van parked outside the office, just below the patio. I climbed on the hood and onto the roof. From the van I jumped to grab the railing of the patio. I then swung my legs up and over the railing. I walked along the patio and saw stairs leading down into the courtyard. I walked down. There was no one. Lights were all off. It was silent. I thought about what an intruder I looked like, wandering through a hostel courtyard in the rain in the middle of the night. I then spotted a bathroom. I checked the door; it was locked. I pulled out my pocketknife and jammed it in between the door and the frame above the latch and pushed down. The door popped open. I let myself in and closed the door behind me.

     That was very James Bond, Adam. Nice work.

I flicked on the light. The brightness hurt my eyes. Across the room I spotted a shower. I walked over and turned the red tap wide open. Hot water poured out. I adjusted the temperature and quickly stripped out of my wet clothes. I jumped in. I let the hot water pour over me. I could feel my feet again. I could feel my fingers. My balls emerged. I stood in the shower for a half hour drinking the remainder of my whiskey. I then thought I should get out to avoid getting caught. I put on my cold, wet clothes. I was immediately shivering. I walked up the stairs to the 2^nd floor patio. I sat on the railing and jumped down to the roof of the van and climbed down.

     You have got to be the most fucked up criminal in history. You just broke into a hostel to take a shower. 

     It was now 4am. I was exhausted. I was hungry. I was soaking wet. There was no longer a connection between my brain and my body. I was just walking along, probably not in a straight line. A zombie. It was still raining. I spotted a covered bus stop. I laid down on the ground under the bench. Although I was mentally and physically drained, I could not sleep. I had a new admiration for homeless people. But then, a homeless man came walking by and asked me if I had any change. I just looked at him.

     No you stupid fuck, would I be sleeping under a bench if I had money? Give your fucking head a shake.

     I told him no. I drifted between sleep and awake, never really committing to either until a sliver of light appeared on the horizon. I checked my watch. It was 6:10am. I stood up. It was still raining. I staggered to a bank machine and inserted my card. I followed the instructions until I heard the whirring of the cash inside. That sound almost made me cry. I was saved. I couldn’t believe what a huddled pile of useless mammal I had become after being detached from creature comforts for 18 hours. I promised myself never to take things for granted again. I also promised myself to stop being such a fucking pussy.